[Try to eliminate the
2nd person and tighten up the language]: Experience is the
knowledge you gain through living life. The knowledge you gain from other
people is also experience, but theirs and not your own.
More than a century later, Mike Rose, a professor of
education at UCLA, and writer who attended high school at a private Catholic
college prep school explains how his senior English teacher, Jack MacFarland
helped him realize his passion for writing.
[Fix the agreement
error (it’s the second most common agreement error I see); you only need to
change one word]: Knowledge of this type is not obtained from a signed
certificate from a government institution, but gained through patience, study,
and experiment, available to each individual that attempts them.
Over a century later, a similar argument made by Malcolm X –
an African American Muslim minster and human rights activist – shows his insights
in 1965’s “Learning to Read”.
Well, this is the wrong approach, and learning should be important
because it gives students a better outlook on their lives and what they want
their lives to be, not what their test score should be.
Throughout life, experience is the knowledge you gain. Others' experiences are also knowledge, but theirs--not your own.
ReplyDeleteMore than a century later, Mike Rose, professor of education at UCLA, explains in his essay, "'I Just Wanna Be Average',"how his senior English teacher helped him discover his passion for writing.
Knowledge of this type is not obtained from a signed certificate from a government institution, but gained through patience, study, and experiments, available to each individual that attempts them.
Over a century later, Malcolm X--African American Muslim minster and human rights activist--shows his insights in his 1965 essay “Learning to Read.”
Focusing on test scores is the wrong approach, learning has value because it gives students a better outlook on their lives and how they want their lives to unfold.
Original: More than a century later, Mike Rose, a professor of education at UCLA, and writer who attended high school at a private Catholic college prep school explains how his senior English teacher, Jack MacFarland helped him realize his passion for writing.
ReplyDeleteNEW: Over a century later, Mike Rose- professor of education at UCLA and writer- explains how his English teacher, Jack MacFarland helped him find his passion for writing.
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Original: Experience is the knowledge you gain through living life. The knowledge you gain from other people is also experience, but theirs and not your own.
NEW: People gain knowledge through experience, and knowledge gained from others is also valuable.
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Original: Knowledge of this type is not obtained from a signed certificate from a government institution, but gained through patience, study, and experiment, available to each individual that attempts them.
NEW: Knowledge of this type is not obtained from a signed certificate from a government institution, but gained through patience, study, and experiment, available to each individual that attempts he or she.
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Original: Over a century later, a similar argument made by Malcolm X – an African American Muslim minster and human rights activist – shows his insights in 1965’s “Learning to Read”.
NEW: Over a century later,"Learning to Read" by Malcolm X, an African American Muslim minister and human rights activist, shares his insights.
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Original: Well, this is the wrong approach, and learning should be important because it gives students a better outlook on their lives and what they want their lives to be, not what their test score should be.
NEW: Learning is important because it gives students a better outlook on their lives' and what they want to do with their lives', and they shouldn't be focusing solely on their test scores.